Unconscious Choices and Decisions - Vibrations Speak Louder Than Words

happy anniversary cake celebrating my decision to live
Vibrations speak louder than words
Today is an anniversary of sorts for me. One year ago today, I was hospitalized for a growing paralysis that I thought was a pinched nerve but turned out to be an increasingly debilitating case of Guillain Barre Syndrome. It struck hard and fast and showed little mercy.


Sure, I had choices. I didn't know it at the time, as my mind had taken me to some dark, protective place that was far removed from what was going on. However, there was something in me that ticked off the boxes and made unconscious decisions. The first being whether I would live or die. Thankfully, I chose to live and after six days, the doctor suddenly had an idea of what was wrong with me and treatment could start.

The next decision was in reference to being intubated. I surfaced from silent black just in time to tell the doctor, "No! I don't want that." He gave me another hour and somehow, my paralyzed chest muscles began allowing me to breathe well enough to avoid the tube. The next morning, the doctor told me it was amazing, he couldn't explain it. I can be stubborn when I really want things a certain way. :-)

Other, smaller things came and went during my prolonged hospital stay but I still had to face another rather large decision:  to return my physical body to normal. I said yes and began undergoing the very painful rehabilitation program. It was extremely difficult and uncomfortable but I don't regret it for a minute, it got me walking again (yay!).

Throughout it all, I just kept on keeping on, as we used to day. I had free will the whole time, whether I was conscious of it or not. I could have easily decided to opt-out of this life, out of recovery and left the miracle of life behind. Those options aren't appealing to me and obviously, my vibration was a match to staying here and getting better. A good example of how our vibratory rate influences our physical world more than the spoken word.

There seems to be something I've chosen though, that I don't understand yet. My recovery is taking a very long time and hits a lot of plateaus, even though initially I did pretty well. Obviously, I am offering a vibration that matches what has been happening. I'm working on changing it but it frustrates me at times.

Intentions to Live and Heal are Powerful

I've decided to make an intention to clear whatever it is that is holding me in place. Or my intention will not include clearing but will focus on moving ahead to total recovery. Or both. That's one decision I haven't made yet.

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